Photography by Susan Werner
Sometimes I’m writing in my journal and suddenly, words flow out of me that aren’t mine. It’s as if my hands get taken over by someone… something… else. As if I’m merely a puppet and the unseen puppet master has taken control of the strings.
Sometimes I fight to regain control, especially when my mind doesn’t understand or agree with what’s being written, but mostly, I try to let myself fade into the background, along with my thoughts, judgments and limited perceptions, and allow IT to flow through me.
I don’t always know who or what will flow through but I’ve become familiar with the different feelings within me depending on who it is. Sometimes it’s Jesus. Sometimes it’s my dad (who died in 2013). Sometimes it’s a group I’ve come to know as The Council. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that the presence and energy in and around me with each entity is different and has its own unique personality and feel.
Some days I have conversations, sort of like a Q&A, where I ask a question and then listen for the answer and write whatever comes out, while other days, I don’t have time to ask a question because the words shoot out like rapid gunfire, quicker than my hands can write, and it takes everything in me to keep up.
And then some days, I argue. Today was one of those days.
Today, I felt Jesus.
And the below transcript is what came out. I’ve placed a gray box around the words that flowed through me to differentiate those from my own.
I’m feeling Jesus this morning. I woke up with a book titled, “30 Days of Jesus” swirling in my head, along with a companion journal with daily prompts based on my own “30 Days of Jesus” experiment. I hadn’t thought of turning my experiment into a book… until this very moment. My name was on the cover as the author. But it seems wrong to claim myself as the author since Jesus is the one that inspired my experiment long before I believed in Him and He’s the one who guided me along those 30 days, giving me instruction each day. So, now I have to ask…
Jesus, can you help me write this book?
Tree, can you help me write this book?
Huh? YOU need MY help? How can I possibly help you?
You can help by getting out of the way.
Oh, I see. You need me to get out of the way so you can write THROUGH me. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m making these conversations up, if it’s all just in my head or if you’re really coming through.
That’s the problem. You doubt too much. You think too much. You analyze too much. You’re too much in your head. That gets in the way of me coming through fully. If you had faith the size of a mustard seed… but instead you have doubt the size of a planet. You need to TRUST.
Yes, that is the problem. But it’s not me needing to trust, it’s you needing to follow through on your promises. I’ve trusted you before but it didn’t quite pan out. You’re always talking about trusting and having faith in you but you and I both know that I’ve been there, done that, and what happened? My relationships still crumbled, my heart still broke, my dad still died, my mom still got cancer, and my hopes and dreams were still crushed.
That’s because you are trusting with an agenda. That’s not really trusting. You are using the guise of trusting when instead what you’re really doing is saying, “ok, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll give you what you want (my trust) in exchange for you giving me what I want (my desired outcome).” That’s bargaining. I didn’t ask you to bargain with me. I asked you to TRUST me.
Then what exactly is TRUST and how do I do it?
Trusting is letting go of your doubts and concerns and placing the problem in my hands knowing that all will turn out well, not necessarily the way you think it will, or want it to, but that no matter what the outcome, all is well.
The moment you decide – and commit – to turn your problem over to me is the moment the problem no longer exists. It’s instantaneous. If you could only know this, your experience of the problem will be gone. But instead, you SAY you’re turning it over to me but you’re merely doing lip service. You’re just SAYING it, you don’t really mean it. You might kind of mean it, but you aren’t fully believing it. You’re still wishing and hoping… and bargaining. Your words are saying you trust me, but in your heart, you still want things to turn out the way you want them to, still holding on, hoping for the preferred outcome. That’s still not truly trusting.
Trusting is handing me your problems and LETTING me take care of them. No more concerns, worries or agendas. No more hope for this outcome or that outcome. The only hope you should harbor for any outcome would be for MY outcome, no matter what it might be. My will be done, not yours. Sometimes you turn your problems over to me and then seconds later, you take them back. The moment you start worrying about them again, trying to figure them out, scheming and manipulating for a resolution, wondering if I’ve taken care of it yet or how it’s going to unfold, you’ve snatched your problems back from me.
Then you give it to me again, then a minute later, you take it back. Sometimes this goes on all day, every day, for weeks and months and years.
Why do you let me do this? Why don’t you just take the damn problem away from me, despite myself, despite my taking it back?
Free will. I would never intrude on your free will. I love and honor you too much for that. You want your problems back? Ok, here you go. Take it. What good is it to you if I took away all your problems without your full and total permission? You are here on this Earth to learn and evolve and expand and grow. If I took away all your problems, you wouldn’t be motivated to do any of that.
I might enjoy life and just have fun.
Or you might create new problems, new struggles to overcome.
This is your current nature here on Planet Earth. To seek out problems that you can solve (or stew in for 20, 30, 40 years!). You’re restless. Joy and ease and fun aren’t good enough for you, even though that’s what you’re all yearning for. If that’s what you TRULY want, then HAVE it. NOW. Embrace joy, ease and fun. Stop stewing on problems. Stop creating more. Just HAVE the thing that you say you want. My kingdom is yours. Just STEP into it, WITNESS it. Be a witness to my Kingdom. Be a witness to joy and ease and fun.
Instead, you’re a witness to problems, to other people’s faults, to strong opinions about the way things should and shouldn’t be, to lack, to not having enough or being enough, to striving for more, bigger, better, to someone else doing something you don’t like, to something else being not quite the way you like, and on and on. You’re a witness to problems and judgments and things that are “wrong” in your opinion. You spend more time witnessing the things you say you don’t want than the things you say you do want. And so where your attention goes, there you are too. The Universe honors you and your free will so much that it says, “OK, we’ll give you what you want. Not what you SAY you want, but what your focus, attention and energy is telling us that you want. So here you go, here are more problems. You’re welcome.”
You say you want one thing but your focus, the bulk of your thoughts, are on another. This is a vibratory world, it reacts only to vibration. True that some verbal statements are powerful, but they are only as powerful as the resolve supporting them. In other words, you can say “I am strong” all day, but if you feel weak inside, there’s no vibration of “strong” supporting your words. If you whisper “I am strong” once and actually feel a sense of strength inside you, then you are vibrating strength and those words have strong substance supporting them.
Do you want to be happy or do you want your problem solved?
That’s the question of the century. Could you be happy if your problem is not resolved in the way you want it to be? On the flipside, would you be happy if your problem is resolved in the way you want it to be? Would you really? For how long? Until another problem comes up? Or, more truly stated: Until you create another problem in your mind?
Instead, if you truly want joy, ease and fun, don’t make the having of these be dependent on a problem-free life. You can have these things IN THE MIDST of your problems, IN THE MIDST of a soul-sucking job, mounting debt, failed relationships, broken governments, broken bones and any other problem your mind makes up.
I AM IN THE MIDST OF YOU. Yet you focus on everything else EXCEPT me, and then you beg me to take away your problems. Keep your mind stayed on me and you won’t have any problems!
Ok, so let’s say for example, I’m in the midst of an argument with my partner. How in the world can I be joyful and focus on you while my partner’s yelling at me?
By recognizing that YOU ARE IN THE WORLD BUT NOT OF IT.
Your partner’s cloak is simply yelling at your cloak. You understand cloaks, we’ve talked about this before. Tree, the person you think you are with all her labels (step-mom, entrepreneur, daughter, sister, Asian American, 120 pounds, female, brunette, etc.) is just a persona, a cloak you wear to conceal your true Self. Everyone else wears a similar cloak, made up of their experiences, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions mixed in with other people’s experiences, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions about you and themselves. You have all collectively agreed to pretend each others’ cloaks are reality. You’ve forgotten that this is not who they really are, nor is it who you really are.
In the higher reality, your cloak is merely a veil, an illusion. It doesn’t really exist. You – and every last one of you – are a soul, a child of God.
So when you’re stuck in the midst of a problem, any problem, including your partner yelling at you, the question to ask is:
Are you a cloak or are you a child of God?
I’m a child of God!
THAT is how you can be joyful while your partner’s cloak is yelling at yours.
By remembering you are not the cloak, nor is he (or anyone else). It’s just one cloak giving another cloak some grief. So what? If you’re not a cloak, then don’t identify with it. Who cares. Instead, identify with the SOUL wearing the cloak. Go within and here is where you will find me. I am beyond the veil.
I am the way, the truth and the shining light out of the dark cloak of illusion.