I was having a conversation with a dear friend yesterday and tears poured out of her as she told me how deeply she longed to be in a relationship. I’ve known her for over 20 years and for the past 15 years, she’s been single. She’s had short flings here and there throughout the years but nothing serious after her divorce. The thing is… my friend is one of the most loving, open hearted and beautiful people I know. She has an overabundance of love to give yet no one to give it to. She yearns for a man, a soulmate, to share her daily experiences with, to struggle together, laugh, play, cry and otherwise build a future with, as a couple, in unification.
She’s done everything the relationship experts tell you to do… Visualizations, affirmations, self-worth work, forgiveness over past relationships and parental models, crystals, energy healing and more… Books, seminars, workshops, courses, summits… You name it, she’s done it. She “puts herself out there”, going to places outside her comfort zone, created a vision board of her dream man, wrote down lists of qualities… She’s done countless hours, days and decades of self-help work, looking inward, outward and everywhere in between and yet, at the end of the day, she sleeps in an empty bed yearning for a warm, loving body to cuddle up to.
I want to urge her to let it go, trust that the Universe will deliver a good man when it’s time. But she’s done that too. After 15 years of riding the let-it-go/want-it-so-bad-my-soul-hurts roller coaster, she feels defeated, frustrated and above all, alone. She has no idea what to do next. She’s stuck. And so, because she doesn’t know what else could be holding her back from a relationship, she’s waiting for her one big life-changing a-ha moment that will instantaneously clear her blocks and set her on a path toward her soulmate.
She has seen these transformative burning bush moments happen to her friends over the years, including me, and she witnesses how our lives are transformed because of it… so when is it HER time? When is HER moment? When does SHE get a big lift-changing smack-you-in-the-soul expansion moment? What about HER? Where is HER burning bush?
It doesn’t seem fair.
While I’ve had a few of my own burning bush moments throughout the years that radically changed the trajectory of my life, I also deeply value the subtle shifts that occur on a more consistent and regular basis. The burning bush moments are few and far between, while if you pay attention, the subtle shifts happen almost daily. And if you follow them, your life transforms in a series of small ways that all lead to a major overall transformation just as powerful as the burning bush transformation, if not more. I try to tell her the importance of subtle shifts but she doesn’t listen. She wants the big fireworks and explosions.
After she left, I sat in silence and asked God for His thoughts on this.
Here’s the transcript of our conversation. The parts in the shaded box are the responses I heard from God.
My friend is waiting for her aha moment. Can you please give it to her? She truly deserves to have the loving relationship she desires. Or at least give me some words to help her understand why it’s not her time yet.
While you are waiting, yearning, wondering, wandering, questioning, manipulating, fixing, forcing, trying, resisting… I am here whispering “Peace, be still.”
I know what you desire. I am here.
You seek all around me while I am here, in front of you, staring you in the eyes, loving you, beaming all my joy at you, pulsing my life through your veins, laying treasures at your feet. And yet, you keep looking elsewhere, anywhere except directly AT me. It’s as though I’m invisible to you yet I’m right here, IN you, THROUGH you, IN FRONT of you, BEHIND you, BESIDE you. I am nearer than hands and feet.
Do you not see that what you seek is me?
If I am everything, in all things, then anything you seek is ME.
Why don’t you just stop the charade, stop running around in circles, and see. me. directly.
I am here. Always was. Always will be.
Your fulfillment is in me. Not money. Not men. Not women. Not careers. Not physical, material things. All those things can lead you to me but do you not see that I AM ALREADY HERE. You need not seek those things, they are here with me as I am in all and through all and I am here.
Be still and know that I am God. And I am everything. I am your joy. I am your fulfillment. I am your peace. I am your life.
It pains you to not know this. You yearn so deeply for that one soul-love, that one relationship of your deepest desires. Can you not see that I AM that relationship? You already have it, in me.
But my friend can’t touch you. You’re not flesh and bone. She cannot cuddle with you at night or feel the warmth radiating out of your body. She can’t gaze into your eyes. It’s not the same.
I am in everyone. I am in all flesh and bone beings.
If you’re in all flesh and bone beings, why can’t you give her a flesh and bone being to love who loves her back. She can then have a physical relationship with you too.
Have a relationship with me first and then you will see it reflected in physical form.
She does! She talks to you everyday and is devoted to you. You are her everything.
And yet – I’m not good enough for you. You want the flesh and bone man. Your carnal desire outweighs your spiritual devotion.
But you did make her into a flesh and bone woman with flesh and bone desires and needs. Why would you do that if you wanted her to ignore her carnal desires?
It’s not about ignoring your carnal desires. It’s about experiencing them. This ride of flesh and bone is about experiencing all of it – the love, hate, joy, sadness, pain, yearning, lusting, having, giving, wanting, living… You think this ride is about the GETTING and the HAVING and until you GET and HAVE what you want, you remain unhappy. And even after you GET and HAVE, you then want more and you remain unhappy until you GET and HAVE the more that you want. And then you blame me for not GIVING it to you. But you have it all wrong. This ride is not a ride of getting and having… it’s a ride of experiencing the gamut of all life.
Do you know that when you have a flesh and bone man, you will still yearn (for more or deeper)? You will still experience love, hate, joy, sadness, pain, yearning, lusting, having, giving, wanting, living. It is the same with or without a man. There will be new wants called forth from the new experience. It is never ending. This is why you are here – to experience, to witness. Can you not see you will ALWAYS want?
Yes, but I know for a fact that she would rather experience all of that – WITH A MAN. She’s experienced it alone. Now she’d like a man to experience it with.
You are never alone. With a man beside you or not. Why not look directly at ME and know, right here, right now that you HAVE? This will solve everything for you. THIS is your aha moment you’ve been waiting for.
Take it! Claim it!
Don’t question it. ACCEPT it!
I AM your aha moment.
And know that I am here.
I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am your all. My kingdom is yours.
Do you not see the beauty and grace that I’m offering you? Do you not feel the river of joy that flows through you, in your soul, in your body, in your blood. Do you not know the love that radiates within you, that pulses every beat of your heart?
Do you not see see me? Are you blind?
Do you not hear me? Are you deaf?
Do you not feel me? Are you dead?
Open yourself up to me. Let go of your doubts and yearnings and cravings and not-enough-ings.
Be here. Now. With me.
I am sufficient.
I give you gold yet you ask for pebbles.
You deserve more than pebbles. Do you not know this?
The truth is… it’s not that I’m not enough for you. It’s that you think you are not enough… for you… for me… for a man… for life. And that is why nothing is ever enough, in your view… including me.
She would argue that she DOES feel enough. Maybe not 15 or 20 or 30 years ago. But she has done so much work on her self-worth over the decades… so much that it’s exhausting. In her pure moments, she KNOWS she deserves more, she KNOWS she deserves the man and relationship of her dreams. She KNOWS this and that is why it’s so painful that she doesn’t yet have it.
It is so painful because you ALREADY HAVE IT in me and you do not acknowledge it.
I AM WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR and I AM RIGHT HERE yet you look all around me, focusing on this and that and the other when I’m right here.
Turn your gaze to me. Every time you desire for something or someone, recognize that you are desiring me. I am in all. It is I who you crave. It is I who your heart cries out for. It is I who your soul yearns over. And yet, I am here. In you. For you. Through you. As you.
Turn your cheek toward me. Look in my direction and SEE me and you will know that you truly are enough.
Turn your doubts and desires over to me, all day every day.
And I shall set you free.
And you shall see, you already HAVE everything you crave.
If you are craving anything other than ME, you are seeking pebbles.
I give you my kingdom, my gold, my treasures… here, here they are… I lay them abundantly at your feet.
Do you want them?
Or would you rather look for the pebble of a man that you think will make you happy?
If that is your will, go forth and suffer some more.
Go forth and yearn some more.
Go forth and wait for that big aha moment that I just gave you but you didn’t accept.
I’ll be here when you’re ready.
When you’re ready, come to the edge.
The edge where your pebble desires end and my kingdom begins.
Don’t look back.
Step forward into me.
Trust that I know your deepest desires and I am the fulfillment of them.
Come to the edge.