My partner still can’t understand why I’m so excited about getting older. I used my new AARP card for the first time last week, of all places, at Denny’s! And I was as giddy as a schoolgirl accidentally on purpose touching pinkies with her first crush.
Personally, I don’t understand why the fam loves Denny’s so much, but that’s a story for another time. We’ve been going for years because they love having breakfast at Denny’s on weekends. Until now, I didn’t have a reason to love it, other than family time. But now it gives me an opportunity to proudly whip out my flashy red AARP card. I don’t care about the 15% discount, it’s more of a merit badge, a symbol of personal survival and divine grace.
As I skipped, giggling out of Denny’s, he asked me again for the thousandth time, “why are you so happy about getting older?” and I tell him again for the thousandth time it’s because I never thought I’d live long enough to “get older.” In my dark decade of the soul 20s when I was drowning in depression, I didn’t think I’d make it to the next day, let alone to 50.
To me, it’s a huge accomplishment and validation of the spirit in me, and more so, in all of us.
Then he asks again, for the thousandth time, “why were you so depressed?” and I once again, for the thousandth time, respond, “I don’t know.”
That question – and my stock answer – has always plagued me.
“Why are you so depressed?”
There are a hundred reasons and yet there are no reasons.
It could be that I didn’t believe in myself, didn’t believe in humanity, God or the reason for existing. It could be that I identified with the dark thoughts that ran rampant in my head. It could be that my dad was emotionally absent, an alcoholic and sexaholic. It could be that I had no idea what to do with all the pain I felt.
It could be a hundred reasons I can think of. And yet, it’s not any one or combination of those. While they were all factors for me not being happy, they were not the reason for my depression.
Because for every valid reason I can think of as to why I was depressed, there’s an equally valid reason I can think of as to why I should’ve been happy.
But I wasn’t.
Except now, after having lived half a century and finally emerging out on the side of “happily ever after,” I can see why many people are depressed. I can see why I was depressed.
But I can’t explain the reason, I can just know it. I can just feel it. And heaven forbid, I try to explain it to someone who hasn’t been there, hasn’t done that, like my dear, sweet partner. Someone who has never been depressed a day in his life. WTF?!
He just wouldn’t get it.
But I bet you would.
If you’re an empath or a sensitive, intuitive person who has struggled with depression, you’ll understand it.
Here’s a video I made in answer to one of the most common questions I receive from my readers:
“As an empath, how do I stop taking on other people’s emotions?”
Beyond us being emotional absorbers, there’s an even bigger reason for our depression. For many of us empathic spiritual soul-searchers:
IT’S A PASSAGE.
It’s necessary.
To get to where you want to go, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and even physically, you must first pass through the darkness.
It’s what you learn in the darkness and from the darkness that shapes your future and paves the road to your destiny.
You came from light, and in order to get back, you must first go through the darkness.
Only then will you realize the brightness of the light that lives inside you.
You are a force of light in this world.
Get ready to shine.
Your time is now.