In this video I show you why the popular advice, “follow your heart” can be dangerous and when you should absolutely NOT follow your heart. If you’ve ever found yourself torn between your heart and your mind, this video is just what you need.
Watch the video to learn about Sarah, a kind-hearted, spiritual, sensitive and empathic person.
One day Sarah meets a guy named Mark at a party. He’s charming and charismatic and he makes her feel like she’s the most special person in the room. They begin dating and Sarah feels hopeful that he just might be the one. As the relationship progresses, Sarah starts noticing troubling signs. Mark’s demeanor changes and he begins to exhibit narcissistic tendencies, he gets mad when she doesn’t do what he wants, he says insulting things about her weight and the way she dresses, he exerts control over her decisions, he questions her loyalty to him and gets jealous when she even smiles at the waiter, and uses guilt, shame and blame to manipulate her.
But when Sarah loves, she loves hard and she falls fast. So despite the red flags, Sarah finds it difficult to walk away from the relationship for 3 reasons:
- Because she believes that her love for Mark can change him. She believes in the good in him and thinks that if she gave him MORE love, he’d finally see the light. She’s read a million self-help books and she understands that the reason he’s this way is because his parents didn’t show him the love and worth he needed. So she believes that if SHE could show him love, he’d be a better person.
2. Because she believes that THEIR love is strong enough to overcome any challenges.
3. Because her heart clings to the beautiful moments they shared together in the beginning and also the beautiful moments now, even though they’re less often, hoping that things will improve with time. Her heart yearns for the person Mark used to be, and it’s not willing to admit that the reality of the situation is quite different now.
Like Sarah, your heart wants to love, that’s all it wants. It doesn’t matter if it loves someone who’s good for you or someone who’s bad for you. It just wants to love.
Your mind and your gut tell you whether someone is good or bad for you.
Your heart tells you it just wants to love and be loved. It doesn’t matter whether it’s healthy or toxic.
When it comes to this situation, it’s NOT a good idea to follow your heart and stay in the relationship. Sarah doesn’t have to ignore her heart but she can allow her heart to love Mark from afar. She can bless him for the lessons she learned by being with him and wish him well on his journey and say good bye. She doesn’t have to cut off her love for him, she just has to cut off her relationship with him.
If she doesn’t, she’ll follow her soft heart and remain committed to this relationship, even though it’s toxic and damaging to her well-being. She’ll eventually become a shadow of her former self and she’ll feel emotionally drained, confused and an underlying sadness or depression will start to infiltrate every part of her life, in the same way Mark did. Slowly, insidiously and unconsciously.
Her once vibrant spirit will dim, she’ll lose sight of her authentic self, and she’ll feel trapped in a cycle of emotional hypervigilance and survival.
And that’s why it’s dangerous to follow your heart sometimes, especially in a situation like this.